Wordless Wednesday

Check it out

I was going to share some goofy stuff I had laying around here on my computer today, but instead got side-tracked by a really great post that Southern Sage put up. So please go read it at Welcome to Sageville. It is really worth the time. Thanks for putting it out there, Sage.

Love ya's.

*smooches*

Friday Funnies - Making a Baby

This is hilarious! There is not one dirty word in it, and it is funny.

Making a baby.

The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, 'Well, I'm off now. The man should be here soon.'

Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. 'Good morning, Ma'am', he said, 'I've come to...'

'Oh, no need to explain,' Mrs. Smith cut in, embarrassed, 'I've been expecting you.'

'Have you really?' said the photographer. 'Well, that's good. Did you know babies are my specialty?' '

Well that's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat'.

After a moment she asked, blushing, 'Well, where do we start?'

'Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed. And sometimes the living room floor is fun. You can really spread out there.'

'Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work out for Harry and me!'

'Well, Ma'am, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results.'

'My, that's a lot!', gasped Mrs. Smith.

'Ma'am, in my line of work a man has to take his time. I'd love to be In and out in five minutes, but I'm sure you'd be disappointed with that.'

'Don't I know it,' said Mrs. Smith quietly.

The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. 'This was done on the top of a bus,' he said.

'Oh, my God!' Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping at her throat.

'And these twins turned out exceptionally well - when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with.'

'She was difficult?' asked Mrs. Smith.

'Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep to get a good look'

'Four and five deep?' said Mrs. Smith, her eyes wide with amazement.

'Yes', the photographer replied. 'And for more than three hours, too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly concentrate, and when darkness approached I had to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just had to pack it all in.'

Mrs. Smith leaned forward. 'Do you mean they actually chewed on your, uh...equipment?'

'It's true, Ma'am, yes.. Well, if you're ready, I'll set-up my tripod and we can get to work right away.'

'Tripod?' 'Oh yes, Ma'am I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big to be held in the hand very long.'

Mrs. Smith fainted.

*giggles* I always did love that one. Can you just see her face? Well have a great weekend.. be safe. Love ya's! *smooches*

Tagged 8 & Kittens

Well J/Southern Sage over at Welcome to Sageville tagged me with this Tagged 8 meme.. so here is my go at it. Thanks J! =Þ~~~

Eight Things I'm Looking Forward To:

1. When my sister-in-law opens her pool for Summer. I love the water!
2. School being out. I love when TheBMan is home.
3. June 2nd when Sims 3 comes out!!!
4. Getting a new car (well new to us) soon.
5. In a few weeks when the kittens are old enough to play.
6. Getting our patio finished so we can grill out & have bonfires with friends & family at night.
7. The garden being full of fresh veggies. Tony went nuts planting this year. Yea!!
8. Mom finally getting done with all her tests, and the doctors telling her she is okay. I am praying hard for this one.

Eight things I did yesterday:

1. Harassed TheBman while he was trying to get ready for school.
2. Harassed Tony in general.
3. Got new pictures of Candi's kittens, and moved them back into the box in my room.
4. Cancelled my World of Warcraft subscription so I can find something else to play for a while. Two years has been long enough.
5. Read blogs, and commented here and there.
6. Watched movies and a little TV with Tony and TheBman.
7. Rough-housed and played with my babies. (Snoopy & Lucy my chihuahuas)
8. Took a nap after my damned meds knocked me out again.

Eight things I wish I could do:

1. I wish I could pay off Mom and the sibs' mortgages, buy a house and pay ours off too.
2. Find a way to make things easier for TheBman.
3. Find a cure for Asperger's syndrome to help my kidling out.
4. Lose weight FAST.
5. Go visit my family in California, and take TheBman to Disneyland.
6. Fix some family troubles.. and figure my Dad out a little better. Forgive Dad.
7. Had to steal this one from Sage. LOL... Eat and drink anything I wanted in unlimited quantities with no adverse affects.
8. Marry Tony a lot younger, and change things so he was TheBman's biological father as well as his REAL dad since the sperm donor is such a loser.

Eight TV shows I watch:

1. Criminal Minds
2. CSI shows.. including NY and Miami
3. Cupid
4. Survivor
5. Nature on PBS
6. Anything with the Cousteau family
7. Sanctuary on Sci Fi
8. Dr. Who & Torchwood on BBC

Eight people I tag:

1. Divine Chaos

2. Tempestuous

3. Janie

4. Sass

5. Nyxie

6. Petra

7. Phat Mama

8. Vodka Mom

Obviously no one is obligated to do this, but please let me know if you do. I would love to read your answers. Hopefully I will see you post them anyway.. but just in case. Thanks!

Oh.. and before I forget. My calico cat, Candi, had her first kittens last week. We finally got a few pictures. I am sharing the best two I could get of the little wigglers. lol

Love ya'll!! *smooches* =]

Flip flops and Paddles

When your boyfriend, husband or significant other does something that makes you angry don't give in to the temptation to argue and fight. Just count to ten, remain calm and after he goes to bed, super-glue his flip flops to the floor.

I could watch that one over and over.

Oh wait a minute. I have!!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I found it...

And you thought there was no such place, huh????

You will all be so pleased to receive this......

How many times have we been up here without one!!!!

My work is done.

Love ya"ll!

*smooches*

Sexy Saturday =D

Three couples went in to see the minister about becoming new members of his church. The minister said that they would have to go without sex for two weeks and then come back and tell him how it went.

The first couple was retired, the second couple was middle aged and the third couple was newly married.

Two weeks went by, and the couples returned to the minister.

The retired couple said it was no problem at all.

The middle-aged couple said it was tough for the first week, but after that it was no problem.

The newlyweds said it was fine until she dropped a tomato.

''A Tomato!'' exclaimed the minister.

''Yeah,'' said the newlywed man. ''She dropped the tomato and when she bent over to pick it up I had to have her right there and then. Lust took over.''

The minister just shook his head and said that they were not welcome in the church.

''That's okay,'' said the man. ''We're not welcome in WalMart anymore either.''

*falls over giggling* I just love that one!!! Okay.. here is something fun to watch. Enjoy!

I hope you enjoyed those!! Have a sexy Saturday!!

Love ya's!

*smooches*

Friday Funnies

I have always loved Maxine.. so I thought I would share some of her for my Friday Funnies. =Þ

Growing Old

AN IMPORTANT MESSAGE ABOUT GROWING OLD

Well, CRAP!

Now I forgot what it was!

Man I hate when that happens!!! And it is happening more all the time! LOL =Þ~~~

Love ya's! *smooches*

Wordless Wednesday... Okay one word... Wow!

Wow!

What Religion is Your Bra?

What Religion is Your Bra?

A man walked into the ladies department of a Macy's and shyly walked up to the woman behind the counter and said, "I'd like to buy a bra for my wife.

What type of bra?" asked the clerk.

Type?" inquires the man, "There's more than one type?

Look around," said the saleslady, as she showed a sea of bras in every shape, size, color and material imaginable.

Actually, even with all of this variety, there are really only four types of bras to choose from.

Relieved, the man asked about the types. The saleslady replied:

There are the Catholic, the Salvation Army, the Presbyterian, and the Baptist types. Which one would you prefer?

Now totally befuddled, the man asked about the differences between them.

The Saleslady responded, "It is all really quite simple...

The Catholic type supports the masses.

The Salvation Army type lifts the fallen.

The Presbyterian type keeps them staunch and upright.

The Baptist makes mountains out of mole hills.

LOL.. gotta love that! Okay here is the next one! *giggles*


The Bra Letters

Have you ever wondered why A, B, C, D, DD, E, F, G, and H are the letters used to define bra sizes?

If you have wondered why, but couldn't figure out what the letters stood for, it is about time you became informed!

{A} Almost Boobs...

{B} Barely there.

{C} Can't Complain!

{D} Dang!

{DD} Double dang!

{E} Enormous!

{F} Fake.

{G} Get a Reduction.

{H} Help me, I've fallen and I can't get up!



They forgot the German bra. ------------- Holtzemfromfloppen



*falls over laughing* Yep.. I love some bewbage humour. It is either that or cry, right?

Love ya's! *smooches*

For Easter... Wordless Wednesday

Wordless Wednesday... The Cruelest Eye Test