Sexy Saturday =D

Three couples went in to see the minister about becoming new members of his church. The minister said that they would have to go without sex for two weeks and then come back and tell him how it went.

The first couple was retired, the second couple was middle aged and the third couple was newly married.

Two weeks went by, and the couples returned to the minister.

The retired couple said it was no problem at all.

The middle-aged couple said it was tough for the first week, but after that it was no problem.

The newlyweds said it was fine until she dropped a tomato.

''A Tomato!'' exclaimed the minister.

''Yeah,'' said the newlywed man. ''She dropped the tomato and when she bent over to pick it up I had to have her right there and then. Lust took over.''

The minister just shook his head and said that they were not welcome in the church.

''That's okay,'' said the man. ''We're not welcome in WalMart anymore either.''

*falls over giggling* I just love that one!!! Okay.. here is something fun to watch. Enjoy!

I hope you enjoyed those!! Have a sexy Saturday!!

Love ya's!

*smooches*

Growing Old

AN IMPORTANT MESSAGE ABOUT GROWING OLD

Well, CRAP!

Now I forgot what it was!

Man I hate when that happens!!! And it is happening more all the time! LOL =Þ~~~

Love ya's! *smooches*

What Religion is Your Bra?

What Religion is Your Bra?

A man walked into the ladies department of a Macy's and shyly walked up to the woman behind the counter and said, "I'd like to buy a bra for my wife.

What type of bra?" asked the clerk.

Type?" inquires the man, "There's more than one type?

Look around," said the saleslady, as she showed a sea of bras in every shape, size, color and material imaginable.

Actually, even with all of this variety, there are really only four types of bras to choose from.

Relieved, the man asked about the types. The saleslady replied:

There are the Catholic, the Salvation Army, the Presbyterian, and the Baptist types. Which one would you prefer?

Now totally befuddled, the man asked about the differences between them.

The Saleslady responded, "It is all really quite simple...

The Catholic type supports the masses.

The Salvation Army type lifts the fallen.

The Presbyterian type keeps them staunch and upright.

The Baptist makes mountains out of mole hills.

LOL.. gotta love that! Okay here is the next one! *giggles*


The Bra Letters

Have you ever wondered why A, B, C, D, DD, E, F, G, and H are the letters used to define bra sizes?

If you have wondered why, but couldn't figure out what the letters stood for, it is about time you became informed!

{A} Almost Boobs...

{B} Barely there.

{C} Can't Complain!

{D} Dang!

{DD} Double dang!

{E} Enormous!

{F} Fake.

{G} Get a Reduction.

{H} Help me, I've fallen and I can't get up!



They forgot the German bra. ------------- Holtzemfromfloppen



*falls over laughing* Yep.. I love some bewbage humour. It is either that or cry, right?

Love ya's! *smooches*

The Bathtub Test

During a visit to the mental asylum, I asked the director, "How do you determine whether or not a patient should be institutionalized?"

'Well,' said the Director, 'we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub.'

'Oh, I understand,' I said. 'A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup.'

'No.' said the Director, 'A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?'

*falls over giggling* Do you want the bed next to mine? Yep.. I was sure it was the bucket too. Thanks to Mom for sending this one.

Love y'as! *smooches*

Friday Funnies.. On Sunday :P

I got this in email today from Karen.. and rather than wait til next week to post it.. I figured I would give it a go now. Thanks Karen! =] Oh and the pic was from her too.



Due to the climate of political correctness now pervading America Kentuckians, Tennesseans and West Virginians will no longer be referred to as 'HILLBILLIES.' - You must now refer to them as APPALACHIAN-AMERICANS.


HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:


1. She is not a 'BABE' or a 'CHICK' - She is a ' BREASTED AMERICAN.'


2. She is not 'EASY' - She is 'HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE.'


3. She is not a 'DUMB BLONDE' - She is a 'LIGHT-HAIRED DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY.'


4. She has not 'BEEN AROUND' - She is a 'PREVIOUSLY-ENJOYED COMPANION.'


5. She does not 'NAG' you - She becomes ' VERBALLY REPETITIVE.'


6. She is not a 'TWO-BIT HOOKER'- She is a ' LOW COST PROVIDER.'

HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:

1. He does not have a 'BEER GUT' - He has developed a 'LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY.'


2. He is not a 'BAD DANCER' - He is ' OVERLY CAUCASIAN.'


3. He does not 'GET LOST ALL THE TIME' - He ' INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS.'


4. He is not 'BALDING' - He is in 'FOLLICLE REGRESSION.'


5. He does not act like a 'TOTAL ASS' - He develops a case of RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION.'


6. It's not his 'CRACK' you see hanging out of his pants - It's 'REAR CLEAVAGE.'



I love this picture. It made me giggle. =p





Love y'all. *smooches*

Bratty Slave Contract

Okay.. before I post this I want to acknowledge that this is probably going to push a few buttons.. but too bad. It is a joke. It makes me laugh. I am sharing. Enjoy and laugh.. or move along. I am posting because nyxie was nudging me again, and I found something cute to share. I will post something more.. pertinent.. hopefully tomorrow.

Love y'uns!

*smooches*

Bratty Slave Contract

1. Master is always right, except when He isn't. When He isn't the slave has the obligation to bring to Master's attention His incorrect perceptions and false notions, and then make fun of Him till the slave can boast that she has corrected Him for the 100th time.

2. The slave has the right to hide any of Master's toys she does not like. Master then has the right to use the toy on the slave. if He can find them. Ehmmmm. which He won't.

3. The Master may be under the impression the slave has done something she should not have been doing. The slave may then point out that not only did she not do such a thing, but also is under strict obligation to tell Master who did it, and Master is to believe her even though He knows she is lying.

4. The Master owns the slave totally and has all rights to her body and complete say over how she behaves. The slave has the right to respectfully and politely request things of her Master, over and over again if need be With the help of throwing tantrums and looking adorably cute, plus pouting till He finally gives in. But Master cannot punish slave for all of the above.

5. The slave is to please her Master with every deed and thought she has.(even if it might be evil and naughty) and is to bring to Master's attention that this does indeed please Him, even if He says it doesn't, which of course he is fibbing.

6. The slave has the right to sign this contract on Master's behalf, so as not to bother Him.

7. The slave has the right to add to and amend any of these points, upon consultation with Master, even if He is not present for the consultation.

8. Master has the right to use the "Because I'm bigger than you" reason for His actions at any time. The slave then has the right to try and talk Master out of it, in which He will give in and let slave do as she pleases.

9. The Master is to remember that His slave is a sweet innocent angel at all times. AT ALLLLLL TIMES...heh.

10. The slave has the right to remind Master that she is totally guileless and above reproach. Everything she does she is to do for Him and she can also remind Him of that fact even when she has screwed up - it's all Master fault that she did cause He was not there to guide her.